That Fake Tan Is 3 Years Out Of Date, Blaine
by xxcullen1309xx
Summary: Rating: K. Fluffy, silly oneshot: Blaine tries his hand at a little "male grooming." Hilarity ensues. Spoilers/speculation post 2.16 "Original Song." :D


**Fluffy, silly one shot that came to me after similar events happened to my best friend yesterday... Hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading, and review if you want to! :D**

**A/N: I am not affiliated in any way with Glee, Pirates of the Caribbean, Orlando Bloom, or Wicked, but they do help to make this story a lot better ;)**

**SPOILER WARNING: Based on spoilers/speculation for episodes post 2.16 "Original Song," but nothing particularly explicit :)**

* * *

"Blaine, why are you still wearing a hoody? It's boiling," Kurt sat down next to his boyfriend in the choir room as they waited for Mr Schue to arrive. The sun shone through the high windows, casting highlights on the dust that floated lazily through the shafts of sunlight, and Kurt was right; Blaine's cheeks were flushed and he looked uncomfortable in his old Dalton sweater.

"And besides, I'm not even sure you're allowed to wear that in this school... Isn't it a little traitorous?" Kurt raised a perfectly-shaped eyebrow but Blaine just smiled shyly.

"I couldn't find anything else with long sleeves..." he admitted with chagrin. Kurt's eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Blaine... Why did you need something with long sleeves...?" But Blaine just looked at him, half apologetically, half completely embarrassed.

"Oh my God, you didn't get a tattoo or something, did you?" Kurt's eyes widened, but Blaine gestured wildly for him to calm down.

"No! No, no, no, nothing like that... I just... I did a little... experimenting last night..." Blaine grimaced as Kurt side-eyed him harder than ever before.

"Blaine..." Kurt stared pointedly at him. Blaine sighed, and decided to take advantage of the otherwise empty choir room.

"Ok fine! I was in the bathroom and... I found... my mom's bottle of fake tan..." the sentence faded away into the silence as Kurt's mouth fell open, gaping at him in shock.

"You didn't?" Kurt's voice threatened a laugh but Blaine looked so downcast that he held the giggles back... For now, at least.

"I just thought, with the sun and all, it would be nice to have a bit of a tan... or something," Blaine trailed off helplessly. Kurt folded his arms, looking positively amused.

"Sleeves up," he ordered, and Blaine's face jolted into an expression of shock.

"Oh, no," he shook his head; his wide eyes were deadly serious.

"I'm not kidding, Blaine! Show me, right now," Kurt hissed, "I need to see the damage you've done."

"Okay, fine. Quickly, before anyone else comes in," Blaine sighed in exasperation, and started to roll up his sleeves, grimacing.

"Oh my God!" Kurt couldn't hold back the laugh that pealed through the room, echoing off the walls and making Blaine's face blush even deeper.

"Don't laugh, Kurt!" he whined, but a smile played about his lips as he thought about how stupid this must look. Kurt couldn't take his eyes off the train wreck in front of him. Blaine's forearms were positively orange, streaked through with white where he had evidently tried to scrub off the offending substance. _Rookie mistake,_ Kurt smiled to himself. The worst part, however, was that the orange, mud-like mess stopped abruptly when it reached his wrists; his hands were pasty white in comparison.

"Oh my God, Blaine," Kurt shook his head, still giggling, "what on earth would _possess _you to even consider that this was a ever good idea? You seriously saw the bottle and just thought 'YES!'?"

"Pretty much...?" Blaine was still grimacing, utterly embarrassed.

"Honestly... It's not even like you're that pale! Compared to me, you look positively sunburnt!" Kurt was still staring at him incredulously.

"I know, I just... I don't know," Blaine sighed, "Perhaps I made the mistake of re-watching Pirates of the Caribbean... Orlando Bloom was so tanned in that movie... He looked so good..." Kurt looked at him in condescending disbelief.

"The clue's in the title Blaine... _Caribbean_... of course he's tanned," Kurt's voice dripped with sarcasm and amusement, "but you got something right, at least. He did look hot..."

"I'm kind of annoyed, though," Blaine suddenly changed track after staring at his hands for a while longer.

"Why? Because you've suddenly transformed into a tangerine?" Kurt smiled darkly. Blaine swatted at his arm, rolling his eyes. He was never going to live this down...

"_No_... Because look at it!" He gestured to the orange/white divide in despair, "it didn't exactly blend very well did it?" He thought Kurt would look on in interest and make some thoughtful comment on this, but he was met with another outburst of laughter from the boy next to him.

"_Blaine!_ You don't just _stop _where your arm ends!" He managed to choke out between peals of giggles, "you're meant to do your hands as well: you can't just expect it to create some magical tan gradient!"

"Oh... really?" Blaine studied his hands, nodding to himself. Kurt could almost see the thoughts running through his head, and decided to quell them before any more damage was done.

"Before you even _think_ about it Blaine Anderson," he said sternly, "you will not 'try that next time.' There will be no next time. Ever. You got that? ...Idiot."

Blaine opened his mouth to protest, but then realised that 'idiot' was probably a good approximation of him right now.

"...Yeah, pretty much," he winced, smiling at Kurt who rested his head on Blaine's shoulder, but not before he had ensured Blaine's sleeves were rolled _all the way _back down. The rest of the Glee club had started to enter the choir room in dribs and drabs, and no-one else needed to bear witness to the horrific crime against nature that had happened upon Blaine's person.

"Blah, blah, blah... _Nationals... _blah, blah, blah... _Vocal Adrenaline..._ blah," Mr Schue was off on another of his rants; Kurt stayed resting lazily on Blaine's shoulder, and felt the shifting weight as he leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"There's another thing..." Blaine whispered, his warm breath tickling Kurt's cheek. Kurt's eyebrows raised to their full extent, eyes full of silent judgement.

"I'm pretty sure that bottle was about three years out of date... It smelt foul..." Blaine smiled, lowering his voice even more. Kurt buried his face in Blaine's sweater, shoulders shaking with suppressed giggles. He sincerely hoped Mr Schue didn't pick on him to answer that question about four-part harmonies, because it was all he could not to snort with laughter right now...

_

* * *

_

**The next day...**

"Hey Will Turner," Kurt winked at Blaine as he dumped his messenger bag on the floor next to him, "no hoody today then?"

"Very funny," Blaine gave him a quick kiss as he took his usual seat beside him, "I spent about an hour scrubbing it off in the shower last night. My skin feels violated within an inch of its life."

Kurt held up Blaine's wrist for inspection, raising an eyebrow.

"Hm... It's still there," he smiled evilly as Blaine snatched his arm out of his grasp.

"I'm well aware of that, Kurt," Blaine sighed, "but it's definitely not as bad as it was, and I bet that no-one will even notice, ok?"

"Well, let's just wait and see, shall we?" Kurt smiled sweetly as the other members entered the choir room, in much the same fashion as the day before...

* * *

"Blaine, could you pass me Dancing Through Life, please?" Mercedes leant over as Blaine handed the sheet music behind him with a smile.

"Hey, you're looking very tan there!" She said, looking impressed.

"Yeah, just been chilling in the sun, you know," Blaine smiled sweetly back at her while Kurt snickered darkly. Blaine poked him in the ribs.

"Or maybe it came from a bottle..." Santana said with a snide smile. Blaine's eyes widened a little, but he tried to laugh it off, strategically placing a hand over the wrist that was stained the worst.

"Yeah, hold on," Blaine could hear the smile in Mercedes' voice as she leaned closer, "why are your hands still white, if you have that lovely golden brown colour on your arms?"

Blaine said nothing.

"What was that, Blaine?" Rachel had joined in now, jumping from her seat and standing with her arms folded straight in front of where he was sitting.

Blaine hung his head in silence.

Rachel picked up one of his arms and inspected it, while Kurt erupted into a fit of giggles beside her.

"Blaine, is there something you want to tell us?" Puck raised his eyebrows provocatively, smirking.

"Ok, FINE!" Blaine stood up, yanking his arm from Rachel's grip and turned to address the whole Glee club, "I used a three-year out-of-date bottle of my mother's fake tan on my arms and it went horribly wrong. No, I didn't do my hands. Yes, I am aware that you are meant to. Yes, I am also aware that it looks ridiculous. Now let's all have a bit of a giggle about it, and that will be that."

The group burst into laughter as Blaine stoop helplessly in the middle of the hilarity that ensued. Mr Schue smirked at the scene from the door; he had entered just as Blaine had begun his very moving speech. Kurt buried his face in his hands before jumping up from his seat to go and wrap his arms around Blaine's waist. Blaine just shook his head as the others laughed uncontrollably.

"Way to live up to the stereotype, man," Puck winked at him, shooting him a wry grin.

"Thanks," Blaine rolled his eyes. He should have known that was coming...

"Offensive..." Kurt muttered, but Blaine knew it was all in good humour.

"Don't worry, buddy," Finn clapped Blaine on the shoulder, leaning close and lowering his voice, "totally been there..." Blaine raised his eyebrows as Kurt snorted, but Finn just placed a finger to his lips with a meaningful look as he returned to his seat.

Blaine turned back to Kurt, eyes still wide and a smile on his face.

"Well, you learn something new every day..."


End file.
